One step at a time

Things I learned this evening during my run. 1) I'm slow. Holy crap slow.

2) The difference between running 5mph and 6mph is the difference between feeling like you might die and knowing for certain that you will die, either from exhaustion, embarrassment or propelling yourself off the back of the treadmill into the screen door.

3) It is possible for the side of your boob, encased in sweaty Lycra to flay open the tender flesh of your upper inner arm as you pump them in time with your legs. The flesh shredding is more intense on the side with the larger boob.

4) There is nothing more ridiculous than "running" at 4mph except doing so with one's tender arms extended out as if performing the Chicken Dance at a roller skating rink. Clap. Clap. Clap. Clap.


I had a hard time tonight. I spent the last mile loudly chastising myself (with my elbows out to save my flesh. Clap. Clap. Clap. Clap.) about being so incredibly slow. Pure stubbornness is the only reason I finished 3.125 miles (5k) tonight in the abysmal time of nearly 45 minutes. At this rate, those police escorts for the Labor Day half marathon will definitely be shooing me to the sidewalks so that people can get on with their days.

John (the bastard who convinced me to sign up for this damn race) said glibly "if you can do an 18 minute mile you're fine." I would like to point out that a 15 minute mile is currently kicking my ass and I'm only doing three of them. Doomed is a word that comes to mind.

So I'm putting that race out of my head. I'm going to think about the 5K I'm doing in NYC next month. I'll see how that goes. I'll keep running at least 9 miles a week. I'll try some yoga and will ride my bike some more. And when Labor Day rolls around we'll see how I do. My goal is merely to finish in front of the police escorts.

Part of this self pity I later realized was brought on by a plummeting blood sugar. Stepping off the treadmill at 46 mg/dL can make one feel a bit defeated. Weepy even. But a soda and a shower have soothed those pains for now.

And tomorrow is a new day.