I was bitching to my therapist Gary about how I had several things that needed to get done and they just hadn't. He asked, "Well, why don't you just do them?" The question caught me off guard. See, I'm supposed to sit on this couch and bitch about how I feel overwhelmed and have a giant pile of stuff to do and he's supposed to nod knowingly, perhaps thoughtfully tapping his ball point pen against his chin. Not this "well why don't you" bullshit.
"I just haven't. What do you mean, why not? I didn't get my prescription refilled."
"But you knew you needed to. And you knew if you didn't take them, you might feel bad."
"Yeah ... and?"
Sigh, we weren't really getting anywhere. Fine. I got my damn prescription refilled but I had to drop it off then come back and I couldn't refill it using the automated system since it was a fresh script and I had to wait for 45 minutes in the pharmacy because they were running behind and the baby was super tired and GAH! This is why I don't get shit done! As Heather's mom would say, "It's such a struggle!"
We need to close our pool. We need to cut up the tomato cages that broke last year so they'll fit in the trash can and get off the lawn. We need to mow the lawn one last time this season. We need to install the microwave over the stove (that one has been on the to do list for two years now). We need to bag up and get rid of all the baby clothes that no longer fit Ian. We need to hook back up the microphones in the office so we can podcast again. We need to find the small leak in the downstairs bathroom behind the wall.
There are many more items on the list. And frankly, they're just not getting done. I'm managing to bath semi-regularly, dress myself and the boy, pack the appropriate activity for that day, get us to school/work, get various stuff done, pick up boy, nurse boy, get home, make dinner, clean up from dinner, nurse boy, put boy to bed, collapse in front of TV and/or computer.
I mailed away our passports yesterday and it was a Huge Accomplishment. I wish it didn't feel that way, but it was. I read an article about how the "have everything" mom (or dad) is a myth. That you can't have kids, a job and do all you need to do. So perhaps I've just decided to do my job, make Cookie Monster shirts and nurse my boy to sleep and then let all the other stuff go to hell.
In an effort to avoid everything going to hell, I did make a point this evening of sorting all of Ian's old clothes I had stuffed into boxes. I probably need to do a second sweep to really cut down on what we save, but the majority is bagged up. I suppose we'll take them all to the thrift store this weekend (note to self: don't lose the receipt!).
I don't really feel great about this accomplishment, just tired. It's hard to decide what to mess with and when. Ten years from now will we care what color the pool water was or how many onesies we saved? It would be nice to not have to microwave food in the dining room, though.