I just told Rich, "I want a bowl of cereal but don't want to put the baby down." So he got me a bowl of Corn Pops so I could rest it on Ian's belly and eat it from there. Last week Rich asked, "I wonder when the baby will be happy sleeping on his own and not want to be held" and I replied, "Why would we want to put him down?"
I've learned how to type, check my blood sugar, make a sandwich and use the bathroom (that one takes talent) all while holding Ian or nursing him. My biggest time away from him since we got home was going to the post office to buy stamps.
When I was about 39 weeks pregnant I was in the pet store buying dog food. The woman in front of me asked when I was due and after I told her she paused and said, "are you happy being pregnant?". I wasn't really sure how to respond to that but told her that my pregnancy was pretty easy and I wasn't one of those women anxious to get him out of me as soon as possible. I just wanted him to come on his own terms.
She said her baby was a year old now and that she cried the whole last week of her pregnancy because she loved being pregnant and having him in her belly with her all the time. She just wanted to freeze time and not lose any of those feelings. She said it's still good now that he's a year old but he's much more independent and active and ... active ... and part of her misses just having him to cuddle. And then it was time for her to check out with her kitty litter and she wished me luck and was gone.
Now I'm going through those same feelings. He's getting a little heavier and his diapers need loosening a bit to make room for all this extra baby and I'm digging in my heels at the passage of time, as futile as that is. It's only been 15 days but I can't imagine him not being here and it seems like he's been a part of us forever. He was all mine on the inside and now he's out here in the world and I have to share him with other people. More than that, if he's not around, I'm incredibly lonely. He goes with me everywhere. He's helped fix his grandaddy's computer, visited several area restaurants and even had his first therapy appointment this week.
And I'm sure at some point he'll want to stay home or be embarrassed to be seen with his mother. At some point before that I imagine I'll be desperate to get away from him for even just an hour. But right now, I can't get enough of him.
We're off to bed soon to snuggle and snack, so I'll leave you with a rare photo of me allowing someone else to hold him. He and Rich are my two favorite things in the world, so this photo is pretty much all I need.