Dear Sir, I know you were distracted, so you may not have seen the No U Turn sign that was directly in front of you. And I know it's hard to make a U turn with one hand when there's no turn lane, so you have to leave the back half of your car in the left lane where I was behind you.
But I thought you may have noticed that after I swerved around you, I then went 50 feet to the turn lane where I made a legal U turn. It really wasn't that inconvenient to use the turn lane instead of blocking traffic like you did. You may have noticed that I easily caught up with you, even though you cut me off to get around the UPS truck.
I admit, I may have overreacted a little bit when I rolled down my window and screamed "did you see the no fucking U turn sign?!" while pointing at you accusingly. I'm sorry if I interrupted your phone conversation, but your irradic behavior on the road was really the last goddamn straw for me that day.
You see, our 3mbps internet connection that they supposedly updated to 10mbps was actually only running at 700kbps (that's less than one tenth the speed we're paying for if the math is confusing). And I had talked to nearly half a dozen people all over the country about various connection issues (both ours and theirs). So I was a little stressed out about the amount of stuff that wasn't working for us today and I was trying to figure out how I was going to get to my doctor's appointment and find lunch while still making it back to the office in time to get all my work done tonight. But I think calling me a fucking bitch and flipping me off was a little much. I hope you weren't talking to a young child on your cell phone that may have overheard you.
I was hoping that if I caught up with you and could tell you that there was a big ass no U turn sign back there, maybe you would have remembered for the future. I was just looking out for you and all those other drivers around you on the road. You don't have to be so nasty about it.
Sincerely, The speeding bitch in the BMW
P.S. For those of you going to BlogHer this weekend, I'll be the tall blonde at the bar drinking heavily.