He's gone

And just like that, he's gone. He waited for me to get home and finish my conference call. I told him last night that I wasn't ready for him to die then, but if he gave me one more day I'd be okay with it. And he rallied for me. He perked up and ate some kitty treats and used his litter box and even purred a little for me this morning. But he started the belly crawl again around 2pm today. And Rich called me to tell me he was sitting up there with him. My poor father. I called him at 3:15 and left a sobbing voicemail that I had to pull my shit together long enough for my 3:30 phone call and then I needed him to come over and help me decide if it was time to take him to the vet because I couldn't do it by myself. So he came over and we decided it was time. He was only breathing in gasps every 15 seconds or so. And he was becoming less and less responsive.

Of course, he would decide to start dying during rush hour. I've never been so frustrated with traffic in all my life, Rich weaving through lanes of cars while I tried to help my gurgling cat breath in my arms. But he held out until we got to the vet. He was too far gone for us to put an IV in him and take our time like with Connor. But Dr. Smithwick gave him a small shot to help him over that edge and put him to sleep. They wrapped him up and put him in a little cardboard kitty coffin and handed him back to me within a few minutes of bringing him in. I probably looked like a crazy woman, sobbing and desperately hugging this cardboard box in the car.

I'm so glad we took him home. We went to my parents and Daddy and Rich dug a hole for him next to Lady and Buddy. And I was consoled that he was home. I felt almost good that he's not hurting anymore. I miss him a lot. But he died without a single flea on him and with a belly full of kitty treats. And that's the best I could do for him.

Part of me wanted to go out and get some dinner. To enjoy an evening of going to a restaurant that we pick based on the menu and not how long will it take to eat and will an animal die in the house while we're gone. But in the end, I was just too tired. So weary. So Rich went and got me sandwiches and I hunted for pictures of our little guy. I can't find the really good one of him on Jeremy's head. But I did find some classics. I had forgotten how much he terrorized Sarah. Maybe that was part of her neurosis years ago was waiting for Loki to pounce. He certainly lived up to his name.

You can look at more pictures of him here. He has his own album under family.