It's snowing tonight and I've got to head home tomorrow morning to a doctor's appt. I don't feel like I got much rest this weekend. And that's what I really needed. We spent way too much time in the hospital (long story, no visits for me or the Puddin' and everyone's fine now) but all seems to have settled for the moment. I'm surviving. I brought Sarah with me this weekend and was glad to have her around. She's such a very very good dog. Lying in bed reading with the Puddin and my hound was very therapeutic. My blood sugars have been doing pretty damn good considering the past few days. We'll see if the doctor is satisfied with my record keeping skills. I had a very bad day on Wednesday night or so when I just got quite weepy about being a diabetic. I was tired of the calluses on my fingers and the injection sites and the feeling sickly for no good reason and the shakes at 2am because math is hard. They've simplified Weight Watchers a hundred times it seems because people can't count to 25 in the course of a week. But I've got to know and add up the carbs for my meal, know my blood sugar, remember what time of day it is and how insulin reacts in my body that time of day, divide it all by 12 and account for raising or lowering my current blood sugar. Let's not even get into fats versus carbs. I was just sick of the whole damn thing. Having to justify to the insurance company that I deserve a new pump and that I've been to the doctor enough and jumped through the hoops. Do all that shit for 19 years and you'd have a weepy day or two, I suppose. Like my old boss said, "what do stupid people do?!?". I guess they get new kidneys and prosthetic legs and guide dogs before they're done with diabetes. So ... fucking ... over it ...

But I'm past that now. I've got a follow up visit with my curmudgeon of an endocrinologist and will get my replacement pump with the new ninja blood meter. I'll lose 10 pounds or so just because it would feel good to do it. I'll rejoin a few newsgroups and mailing lists. And I'll do just fine.

I did get to ride a Zamboni on Friday at the Admirals game and the penalty kills were sponsered by the American Diabetes Association. "Let's put an end to diabetes and let's kill that penalty." . Puddin and I grinned and said "yeah .. fuck diabetes ... fuck it right in the ear". Childish, but satisfying.