DLand - The More Things Change

Sooooo freakin' tired. Man, I can't remember the last time I've been this tired. It's like the days are all running together.I remember Colin getting up Saturday morning in the hotel room and me hiding under my pillow because all I wanted to do was sleep. I remember nodding my head as I drove home Monday morning, desperately wanting to get home and go to bed as opposed to work. I even fell asleep in the driveway once I got there. I remember dragging our sorry butts out of the Rollins show and immediately into bed only to have the alarm go off way too freakin' early Tuesday morning. I vaguely remember getting on a plane yesterday evening and heading to Connecticut. And I definitely don't remember anything between the runway in Philly and the concourse in Hartford/Springfield. I was in bed last night around midnight, up this morning at 2:30 to change my insulin pump tubing (was too tired before and figured it would wake me up when it ran out), up again at 6:30 to head to my training class and now back on a plane heading home. I feel like the American jewelry dealer who comes to London in that movie Snatch. So as Jeremy would say, this is what I learned today/last night. I learned that Outlook limits email inbox sizes to 2 GB. I also learned that somewhere during my flights, my inbox became 2057MB (apparently that's 25,236 emails). So I'm truncating my inbox so I can clean it out. I guess this is my object lesson for being a pack rat. In other news, I've been annoyed at my blood sugar lately. It seems to go low when I don't really have time for it. And then it goes low with a vengeance. I seem to get hit harder now by blood sugars in the 40's or 50's - or at least in different ways. Mostly I cry a lot more. I think it's stress related in that my body is taxed to a certain degree and then adding this fatigue on top of it just turns me into a blubbering ball of helplessness. Stubbornness has held out this long in my life at keeping going with low blood sugar but it seems that in the long run, I should just start carrying more snacks around with me until I figure out why it's going low so often. The Henry Rollins spoken word was very good. But Rich is right in that he's getting more preachy in his old age - more crochety. Maybe we were both just tired. Hank's still a beautiful man, though, and I got all giggly just watching him. It was one of those things where he would raise his arm to make a point and I would marvel at his tattoos and his muscle definition as well as whatever he was ranting about. It was hard not to squeal right there in the audience. Despite being so exhausted, I had a very nice time last night. Brian, Jeremy, Ann, Rich and I all had dinner downtown before the show and chatted it up. I'm sure there's some small contingent of the world who might say I don't deserve it, but I'm glad that Jeremy and I are friends. I'm glad that I can talk to him and be genuinely happy for him. Jeremy and I aren't together, but I still care about him. I'll miss him when he goes to California and I look forward to the opportunity to visit if he'll have me. Sure he does stuff that drives me crazy, just like I still do the same to him - that's human nature. But it takes on a different slant when that person isn't your responsibility. And he still does stuff that makes me proud. So our relationship has changed a lot over the years (duh). But I'm not willing to throw it away completely as long as he isn't. I can't say that everyone should or could have the relationship that Jeremy and I have now. I just think it's a lot easier on both of us this way.