Scene opens as GenieAlisa and Sweetpea drive back from Olive Garden: Jer: (staring at me while I drive) "... and?"
Me: "And what?"
Jer: "I've been very quiet here trying to give you a chance to talk and you're not saying anything."
Me: "I tried talking in the restaurant. I started to mention how I was feeling kinda melancholy and you basically told me everything I said was silly and unfounded and got out your little man tool box to fix all my problems. That conversation was a flop, so I'm sticking with silence for now."
Jer: "But that's what guys do - fix things." (very cute grin and arm flexing from the passenger seat. I think I even saw a sparkle from his teeth.)
Me: "Uh, huh. Well, here, you go. Fix this. I'm melancholy about how tomorrow is trash day and EVERY trash can in our house if overflowing. I'm melancholy about how there's three inches of water missing from the fish tank. I'm melancholy about how we have 10 loads of clean laundry piled up in the garage and 8 loads of dirty in the floor of our bedroom so when I get out of the shower at 7:30 in the morning while you're still under the covers I have to dig through said laundry - NAKED - to find panties for the day. Why don't you work on fixing some of that, Mr. Fixit?" (about the time I got to the word "naked", I had started to lose it and was snickering uncontrollably)
Jer: "Oh, no! This is a trick. You're not really melancholy about that stuff. If you were you wouldn't be laughing. I'm wise to you. And even if you were, I shouldn't try to fix it. That's another trick. So I'm really sorry you're having a hard time finding panties in the morning. I have that trouble sometimes too with my undies. See I'm being sympathetic."
Me: "Oh, yeah, I'm sure it just tears you up inside when you go to your underwear drawer and find the Undie Fairy has not brought any more clean folded undies to your bureau. You just stand there wailing 'Oh, Undie Fairy, why have you forsaken me?! What did I ever do to incur your wrath? If only there were a sympathetic ear for my Froot of the Loom failure.' Yeah. I just know it."
Jer: "How did you know?"
At this point we both just dissolve into snickering. Hee hee ... Undie Fairy.
The other great thing tonight was when we sat down for dinner the guy at the table next to us knocked over his glass of water and broke it. There was glass and ice water everywhere. The waiter comes and brings all these napkins and stuff. Then we're about to leave and the kid (maybe 12 years old) at the table on our other side knocks over his water and dumps it all in his lap and the floor and the table. He starts to look embarrassed but the big redneck from the first table says, "It's okay, son. My friend here is a grown man and he did the same thing." So the boy looks at this big redneck and says, "Yeah, at least I didn't break my glass." It was priceless. Big Redneck says, "You know in other countries, they break their glasses on purpose. They just throw them against the wall and laugh!" Our whole section was laughing. Sweetpea said the waiter was gonna kick us all out in a bit.