I was beginning to hate my hair. It was getting mousy. Mousy is a general term I use for "in the same style for more than 3 months". So I headed off to Hair Cuttery on the way home. Let me tell you, I *love* getting my hair cut! I think of it as an adventure in fashion. So I walk in and meet Fiona. She's a beautiful black woman with long silver air-brushed nails and long flowing hair. She sits me down in the chair and says, "Girl, what you need?" This is where I smile apologetically and say that I don't like my hair and that I want it to look better. I tell her to make it less "mousy". I tell her I'm brave and she can do whatever she wants. Bless her soul, Fiona rose to the challenge.
"Ok, baby, we're gonna put some layers in it, see? And that will fluff it right up. And we won't even have to take much off the bottom. Fiona will take care of you, girl."
I nod emphatically.
So she asks me about my shampoo and tells me how fine my hair is and how I shouldn't use conditioner because it just ways my hair down and doesn't do it justice. I grin and wipe the water out of my ear.
So she starts snipping away. Fiona asks me how I part my hair and what styling products I use. Uh, styling products? If I use conditioner, I don't have to comb my hair but can just run my fingers through it. I keep losing my brush (I think it's in the trunk of my car now). She looks incredulous. "So you blow dry your hair, right?" I lied and told her yes but not if I'm feeling lazy. I guess that means I'm feeling lazy most days. "Well, you style it if you're going *out* don't you? You gotta, girl. Gracious, child." If only she new the truth.
Well, she evens and trims and then says she's ready to layer it. She grabs this hunk of hair off the top of my head and holds it in her fingers and says "Ready?". Uh, ready for you to scalp me? I look like a twenty-something Pebbles. "I trust you, Fiona. You said you would do me right." Bam! There go four inches off the top of my head! I swear. Hair went everywhere. I think hair cutter ladies do the layering really fast so you can't change your mind. There was no turning back after that first swipe. I was in Fiona's talented, air-brushed hands now.
She finishes the layering and says "ooh, girl, you're gonna look *good* when Fiona's through with you." So she gets out some volumizing lotion and then this anti-frizz stuff and then this straightener stuff. Damn, this is complicated! This is what makes it such an odyssey of beauty. She says I need all this. And then she pulls out 4 different hairbrushes! This is absolutely amazing! So she turns me around so the hair dryer cord will reach. It gets pretty suspenseful as I wait for the unveiling. She's crooning and "ooh, girl"-ing away behind me. I'm holding my breath. And then she spins me around.
I look like Jackie Onassis! I've got to get some of those giant sunglasses. It's awesome! I didn't think my hair could look that wild! Fiona blurts out, "Ain't it grand, baby?"
"It's amazing, Fiona."
"Girl, you got a husband to go home to?"
"Uh, yeah, he gets home at 7"
"Oooh, that's right!"
I start to run my fingers through it, but they won't budge (there was some hairspray involved too). She smacks me away. "No, you ain't gonna be messing it up 'til your man sees it!"
"Fiona, I won't fit in the car! There's not room for me and my hairstyle in the sports coupe!"
"Get out, girl, you'll be fine!"
"I'll have to open the sun roof! This is awesome!"
"Oooooo, you look so good!"
So I grin and pay her and carry my hairdo to the car. There really was a hit or miss moment of makng it into the Saturn but it all worked out. It's flattened out a little now and I'm sure I'll look like Mary Lou Retton by tomorrow, but that drive home was fabulous. Fiona's the greatest. I can't wait til I grow some more hair to see what she'll come up with next.
And if my story's not good enough check out Maggie Estep's version. ---------------------------------------- 5:34 p.m. EDT 04.06.2001 010406_27.html Her Cross to Bear Well, Wednesday I may have been Jackie O, but today I'm more of a Peppermint Patty. Apparently all that styling Fiona did to my head was not optional. I no longer have a wash and go hairstyle. Ah, Peppermint Patty, "the original cartoon dyke" as Snidegrrl told me. The giant do from yesterday was fun and entertaining but not me. I guess hair always comes back to what it knows.
My old boss Harry said once that "a woman's hair is her cross to bear."