Feb 1 - My child is sobbing in my arms and asking me if he's awful because the kids at school make fun of him for liking trains. So now I want to punch a bunch of seven year olds in the face.
Feb 3 - Ian made a house for Charlie Bear and Elizabeth after school. He also made two benches and a dining room table and was working on a pool but they don't fit in the current digs.
Feb 13 - One of Ian's classmates just told me, "WOW you're huge!" I know Ian is tall but damn he *towers* over every first grader in the school. Congrats on A honor roll and perfect attendance, Stink.
Feb 13 - Ian and I just had a whole bedtime talk about rigor mortis and cremation and if it's ok to be happy after Daddy dies. We're gonna open one of the pets' urns tomorrow to see what ashes look like. Ian thought maybe they just cut up body parts and put them in a jar "like hands and the heart and stuff." Rich would probably enjoy an Egyptian process but I doubt that's affordable around here. #notforwusses
Feb 17 - This morning in bed, Ian said, "I hope my wife doesn't get cancer one day." I thought it was interesting that he didn't say *he* didn't get cancer, but that he didn't want his life partner to get cancer.
He then asked how cancer happens and we had a whole talk under the covers about how cancer cells grow much faster than regular cells and they don't die like they should so they end up hogging the space in your body. And that people get "cancer" all the time but 99.9% of the time our bodies fight it off like a cold. But sometimes it doesn't and it sucks. My seven year old now understands more than most adults about how cancer actually works.
We also had a talk this morning about why Daddy acts the way he does now. Why he repeats himself and only says one syllable words like "dad", "mom", "yes", and "no". We talked about how he breathes less than we do now and that it makes him make crazy moaning noises. But it doesn't mean he's hurting, he's just breathing differently. We talked about what apnea is and how it's just like Pop not breathing when he sleeps and then making a huge kerfuffle to get air.
We talked about how Daddy isn't a baby, but that sometimes when someone is dying they start to act more like a baby than a grown up. It's a big loop life cycle. Ian was concerned Daddy couldn't tell us if he is hurting. I concurred that it's hard to guess what he needs sometimes. But we pay attention to if he frowns. We look at how he's sitting in the bed to make sure it looks comfy. We do our best. Just like we would for a baby that can't talk very well.
This is hospice. This is normal.
Feb 27 - "Mommy, come look! Gia and I dug a hole for our secret plans!"
If anyone needs a shower dug at Pennsic, I have a seven year old ready to earn $$$. #callbeforeyoudig
Feb 27 - Ian: "Who do you love more, your friends or me?"
Ian: "But you've had your friends for longer and I can be annoying."
Me: "My friends are pretty annoying too. All humans are annoying every once in a while."
Ian: "Are bears annoying? Like are they all, 'Hey, Jim! Are you gonna eat *all* that salmon?!'"
Me: "Yes. Bears probably get annoyed too."