Facebook Archive - October 2014

Oct 1 - Ian just figured out that if astro means stars and naut means sailing, an astronaut sails the stars. I would brag at his cleverness but he is currently doing a rousing rendition of 'John Jacob Jingleheimer Fart'

Oct 2 -Today's drive home is an in-depth debate on why the word 'fuckin'' is a bad word. Ian surmises, 'I think it's because it sounds like friggin'.' It's way more challenging to analyze why it upsets people than 'stupid' or 'God damn.' And this is way harder than the etymology of astronaut. #notforwusses

Oct 6 - We've been taking to Ian about his occasional lack of a daily sticker at school, usually for breaking some rule. 
Today, he hopped in the car and declared, 'I got a sticker! But I'm mad at Auric. He pushed me into the water fountain today.'

Me: 'Oh yeah, I got a note about that and how it hurt your lip.'

Ian: 'Yeah. And I don't know if *he* got a sticker today, but if *I* were the teacher and he were my student, I would be like 'BLAMO! No more sticker for you!'' 

Stickers are serious stuff.

Oct 8 - Ian's plastic helmet was his choice for hat day at school. The teachers naively asked him if he's a knight and were completely unprepared for the detail of his answer.

Oct 9 - Ian (while sitting on the toilet this morning): 'I am mad at God. I really don't like him right now.'
Me: 'Uh, why?'
Ian: 'Because he makes my butt hurt when I poop.'
Me: 'I'm not sure that God has anything to do with how much fiber you eat.'
Ian: 'Well, God controls *everything*, even our bodies, so it's his fault my butt hurts.'
#preschooltheology #notforwusses

Oct 12 - At 7:15am, Ian materialized next to my side of the bed. 
'Mommy! I stayed in my own bed the *whole night*! I'm a big kid now!'

He then grabbed his blankie, climbed into bed next to me and went back to sleep with his head buried in my armpit and his hand on my boob. But I'm wide awake now. 

I suppose I should log in a baby book that it was 59 months and two weeks once he 'slept through the night.'

Oct 12 - I was in the shower after my run when Ian came bursting in. 
'Mommy! I spelled far!'
'Like far away?'
'Yeah, Daddy helped me and I wrote it in my notebook.'

Two minutes later, 'Mommy! I spelled art! Like a drawing or painting. Daddy helped me!'

He ran back into the bedroom to try his next word. I called out from the shower, 'Hey if you can spell far and you can spell art, if you put them together it makes another word.'

'What word is that?'
'Daddy will help you.'

Comedy. Gold.

Oct 15 - Ian: 'Doesn't everyone have a baby?'
Me: 'No, not everyone.'
Ian: 'Why not?'
Me: 'Well, some people can't afford a baby. And some people can't have one because there's something happening with their body. And some people, hard as it is to believe, just don't want a baby.'
Ian: 'So why don't we have another baby? Can't we afford one? Does your body not work for babies? Don't you want a baby, Mommy? I want a baby.' 

Oct 17 - Noah's Ark Parade at Ian's preschool. It is largely harmless but it still weirds me out to hear small children prosthelytize. Rich just leaned over and said, 'I don't feel so bad about Ian knowing all the words to 'Baby Got Back' after listening to this.'

Oct 22 - Ian (at 7:14am) : 'Am I 5!?'
Me: 'Yep! As of an hour ago.'
Ian: 'But when will I be 6!?!?!'

Live in the moment, dude.
Happy birthday, stinker.

Oct 22 - Ian is showing his lady friends about how he smashed his finger 'a long time ago when [he] was four'. (It was Saturday.)

Oct 25 - We are roaming the aisles of Walmart while I teach Ian the lyrics to 'Fiddler's Green.' We've covered what oil skins are and stopped by the men's coveralls as an example of a jumper. He's also learned the difference in a chorus and verse. Soon we can cover chord progressions. 

This must be what home schooling is like.

Oct 26 - Ian has lamented that he wishes we lived at the trampoline park, so I think his party was a success.