Facebook Archive - April 2014

April 6 - My son just ate four eggs for dinner. This is why I bought three dozen from Robert Van Rens. April 7 - Me: "Made it to the hotel. Getting dinner soon with the gang." Rich: "Cool. Skating went well. Unsurprisingly, we are getting dinner at Chick-fil-a." Me: "I cooked all that food for you all yesterday... :)" Rich: "And none of it had a playground attached to it."

April 9 - The damn dog ate Ian's breakfast this morning and as I'm chasing after him with the intent to murder him with my fists, Ian was yelling after me, "Mommy, I think you're scaring Dante! It's not nice to scare people *or* dogs." The four year old just saved your life, dog. For today.

April 9 - Ian has been talking NONSTOP since I picked him up from school and is literally following me everywhere. He just burst into tears because I went upstairs to feed the cats after *I told him that's what I was doing* but he forgot and assumed I left him. Meanwhile, I would like my skittish Kitterson cat to come back/out. She's been gone 8 days. Why does everyone in this house have to be so weird?!

April 11 - Explaining to the four year old the difference between dying and being killed is harder than I thought. #morningdrive #notforwusses

April 14 - Ian (listening to Macklemore): "the ceiling is holding them?" He's great at memorizing lyrics but not so much at understanding them.

April 15 - Last night Ian asked me if I knew how to hula dance. "You mean like Jazzy does?" "Yeah!" he cheered. "Oh, that's called belly dancing and I don't know how. We'll have to get Jazzy to teach us." And that's how I ended up making dinner with a little boy shaking his hips all over the kitchen.

April 20 (Easter) - Ian has left all his candy on the floor while we get breakfast and I keep forgetting Dante dog isn't here at Granddad's. I'm all, "We have got to get this stuff up somewhere HIGH! Top of the fridge! Nowhere is safe from the dog!"

April 20 - Lying in the dark with Ian way past his bedtime. He is begging me to pick him up early from school. "Can you pick me up after lunch? What about after nap? Well, can you pick me up after snack? It's just that school is so long and I miss you and Daddy." #notforwusses

April 20 - Ian (out of the blue): "Some people say he's real but Santa isn't real." Me (aghast): "Santa is totally real!" Ian: "If he's real then why do we have to be asleep for him to come?" Me: "He works in mysterious ways. Maybe he needs you asleep for his magic to work." Ian: "So if we wake up and try to talk to him he'll be mad at us?" Me: "No but maybe it's like when we take food to Mamaw and Pop's house. It's a lot faster if they're asleep and don't talk to us. And every kid would want to visit with Santa so it would just slow him down even though he loves you." Can we go back to nursing and diapers please? I'm really struggling with this phase. #notforwusses

April 21 - I'm so happy that Ian will have great things to do this summer while his preschool is closed. June and July will be with Ms. Jenna at Free Range Kids Norfolk, then a week at Pennsic with us and then three weeks at the Jewish Community Center. It takes a village, man!

April 22 - I'm super duper tired and have a horrible headache but I'm stubbornly still awake hoping I'll be able to rally and write because I have so many words inside me that I have to say! I see where Ian gets it from.

April 25 - Ian's school notified me that he had been kissed by another child today and they talked to the child about appropriate touching. Ian was the one to tell me it was a little boy that kissed his belly while they were wrestling.

April 26 - He posed and asked me to take his picture so that when he becomes the best skateboarder ever we will have a picture to show people when they ask, "hey, who's the best skateboarder ever?" Four year olds are awesome.

April 26 - Ian was up early (by our standards) this morning at 7:30am. We had a busy and wonderful day of breakfast, skateboard shopping, picking out seeds to grow flowers, and a birthday party at the park. He happily gifted his tricycle to Baby Harrison and played at my folks for a bit before driving me home at 8:30pm. I thought he would fall asleep immediately but he asked for a bath and also asked me to read him a story. On a whim I chose James and the Giant Peach. It really was like the beginning of the Princess Bride where he kept interjecting comments ("I really can't believe how horrible those aunts are!") and let out a huge gasp when the aunt called James a "stupid boy" (it was like an allowed FCC violation to read the S word out loud!) We had to stop after chapter 7 when the peach had just grown so large it touched the ground. He was asleep within 30 seconds at 10pm. I don't think we could have squeezed one more ounce out of today.

April 29 - Ian (from the edge of the tub across from me): "It's a good thing you have two hands to wipe your vagina and your butt at the same time!" So that's my morning so far. We're glass half full kind of folks here.

April 30 - Ian has decided if he runs a restaurant it would only serve hot dogs, green beans, cheese toast and pickles.

April 30 - When last we met our hero, James was terrified the creatures inside the giant peach might eat him. Tonight the peach has broken free of the tree and rolled away with them inside! Words I have defined: ill, faint, stables, haystick (not a misspelling so must be a British thing), main, cliffs, and indescribable (which led to its root describe). If preschool had vocab tests, our kid would ace them. Also we've decided the Centipede is a little rude since he called James an idiot.