Facebook Archive - July 2018

July 2- Ian asked me many times over the weekend if I had any hints on what the theme would be for summer camp this week. I reminded him that since there is a holiday in the mix and attendance numbers are lower, there is no theme. "So what will we do?" "Do you know what kinds of things we might do?" "How do you know they're going to have a plan for us?" "Are you sure there isn't a plan for the week?" This morning as we walked in he expressly said he was nervous because he didn't know what would happen today. This is Norfolk Academy summer camp. It's not Mad Max Thunder Dome. And yet, nervous. My heart goes out to him. He is definitely my kid. #104months

July 29 - Me: “You didn’t change your shorts!” Him: “You only said my shirt was filthy!” Me: “And you have one no-show and one crew sock on! We have very few standards, but they do exist. And you need to shower this week.” #summer #wolfpackparenting

July 30 - Ian Update: Thursday of last week, I had an advance report from a friend that when she picked up her boys (who were playing with my kid in the gym), Ian looked happy. I was optimistic. And when I picked him up, he dragged his feet and hung his head like someone had shot his dog just prior to my arrival. He complained that Savian brought Pokemon cards but then insisted that he get all the good cards himself. I reminded Ian that this is not bullying; this is obnoxiousness. And the way to handle obnoxiousness is *don't play Pokemon with that kid*. He also doesn't like one of the counselors because she openly said she doesn't like kids. The feeling is probably mutual because when she said that my child retorted, "Then work at McDonalds!" That counselor made a sarcastic comment about "that wasn't very smart" when Ian dropped one of his Cheetos on the ground. Again, this isn't being a bully. That's called being an asshole. It's a subtle difference to explain to an 8yo. Thursday evening I told my kid that I was exhausted. That every day it was a crisis and some of these things are not actually crises. He did say that Maximus was shitty to him and he loudly told him to knock it off and that worked. Good! Friday, I picked him up and he was perky and all smiles. I asked how his day was. Ian: "Kam started picking on me and shoving me. So I shoved him back. That made him mad so he started punching me. So I shoved him to the ground and climbed on him and started punching him. Then he left me alone for the rest of the day." Me: "Sounds like you solved your own problem." Ian: "Yeah. And then Kam decided to go pick on David, so I went over and pulled him off David and punched him again. Then he left David alone for the rest of the day." Me: "Sounds like you solved David's problem too. Good job, dude. Also, where the hell are all the counselors??" Ian: "I dunno." This week is a new camp over at the JCC (Jewish Community Center). I think things will be a little smoother there. Many of the NA counselors are teens. The average 17yo has a hard time telling a 10yo to knock it off in an effective way. More of the JCC counselors are parents and adults. And a parent of any age has NO problem telling a 10yo to knock it off. Plus Ian is stronger now. He's stoked about his new hot pink lunch bag. He's channeling his inner Go Dog Go girl dog. And he's clearly figured out that he can make a kid leave him alone just fine all on his own.

July 31- When I picked up Ian yesterday from the JCC summer camp, his only complaint was that I came too early because he wanted to keep playing. We bargained for 30 more minutes today (I'll stop at the grocery store before I get him). He was calm and happy this morning, excited to go to camp.


Facebook Archive - May 2018

May 1 - Ian has been growing his hair out since August 2016. It was down to the bottom of his shoulder blades (when wet) and THICK! I couldn’t get it in a pony tail holder. Women would have killed for his hair. But he’s an 8-year-old boy and it was hard for us to maintain. We went to see James last week to change it in some way. I asked him what his priorities were for his hair. My issues were the tangles were hard to remove and it was hot for him. He agreed. Ian told James what he wanted very specifically and James delivered. He has a 5” strip of hair down the middle (he’s calling it a bro-hawk) and the rest was a #3 guard. We also cut about 4” off the bottom. Ian loves it. I love it. He flips his hair around like a super model. I French braided the middle strip the other night and he looked like a tiny little Saxon warrior. My kid is pretty great. ❤️

May 1 - This giant kid needs to hurry up and get his own bike so he doesn’t add weight to mine. That said, I adore that we have Bluetooth comms and can talk the entire ride. Best purchase ever, other than the bike itself. Gotta finish our free ice cream cause we can’t take it with us.

May 5 - Just a little trim before breakfast. Bro-hawk is now man bun

May 5 - My first large group ride! It was so great. Thirty or so bikes out to Surry and back. Ian was a champion passenger and we both leveled up in motorcycle.May 8 - I poured a full glass of lemonade and set it on the side table next to the couch. Ian plopped down in my seat and took a large swing of my lemonade. He then reached past the remaining 12oz of lemonade and attempted to drag a blanket *over the glass*. I dove and made some panicked “aaAAaa” noise, which doesn’t actually stop an 8-year-old in his tracks but makes him pull harder. Four towels later, we’re back on the couch. And I expressly said, “Don’t. Touch. My drink.”

May 9 - Ian at the farmers market: “I’m a cake sniffing orphan in the orphan shack!” In related news, we had a pound of strawberries for dinner.

Facebook Archive - April 2018

April 5 - Ian and I are talking about how he picks people to play Fortnite with online. He’s learning that age is not a good indication of if they will be kind or reasonable. One 11yo is great. Another is rude. And the 17yo is the worst. 

I told him he can play the game, but he needs to learn boundaries. If someone harasses him, he doesn’t need to take it. He can unfriend them and find another party. 

He asked me if he told the kid to stop and he stopped could he still play with him. I told Ian he needed to decide if that kid was a net win or loss. I wasn’t going to forbid him but he should not get picked on. 

He blocked the kid but let the others in the party stay. Most of his interactions have been great. Most people are awesome. We’re just learning how to navigate those who aren’t.

April 5 - Ian: “I miss Daddy.”
Me: “I do too. Sometimes I miss the life we had before cancer.”
Ian: “I don’t remember the life we had before cancer. I only remember Daddy moaning in the chair. And the videos and pictures make me sad because he’s gone.”
Me: “I’m so sorry, bub. I love you so much. We’re gonna make it.”

April 20 - Ian told me tonight that he gets lonely now that Daddy’s dead because he only has me versus two parents. Later, we talked about a kid whose parents divorced and the mom re-married. He indignantly said, “So he gets *two* dads?” as if that were downright excessive.